** Sunday, September 26, 2004 __
Currently Feeling*
tired
Oh man. I think I had dreamt too much and my brain isn't fully awake. Woolala. WKRZ playing Hoobastank - The Reason. It makes me think of Bernard again. Heh.
Yesterday, I was darn guilty! There was this rat at the void deck. As it was at night, nobody is around except me. It was squeaking loudly for help when I walked towards it. I knew it's calling me for help. I wish to help it but I don't know how. I tired to shoo the cat, it walked away for a distance and came back again. I shoo it away once more, the rat quickly escape into the drain. The cat quickly ran into the drain and heard a 'SQQQUUUUEEEEEEK' and bite it away. Oh man. I just want to carry the rat to somewhere safe but I didn't. I was so disappointed with myself because I didn't save its life. Maybe the past life I owe him something and I have to repay him this time but I didn't. I wish I could turn back time. Damn.
My friends say 'Hey it's just a rat.','Oh.. What should I say then?','It's not your fault. If you save the rat, the cat will be hungry. It's part of nature. Don't worry' Yea. I get that message but . . You will never understand how I feels. Oh well. At least I tired to save it. =l
I know it's just a rat but it's a living thing! I just wanna try my best to save it. Because I had ever killed a mother bird who just had a baby bird when I was a kid. I didn't meant it but I'm the murderer. I can see that the baby bird was damn sad when he knew the mom had died. I just leave the mother bird who was unconscious on top of a wall(my old house backyard). The little bird just stay beside the mom. Aww. I'm guilty.
There was once my grandfather caught a grasshopper for me. He said its stomach was eaten by a bird and it can't eat and fly anymore. He passed it to me. I just play with it. It won't eat, drink or anything. It's still living. The only thing it can do it just looking at you in a pathetic look. I want to save it but I don't know how. The only thing I can do is to see it die. After 3 days, without food or water, it finally died. Its eyes are closed. The whole wings and body turn crispy feeling. Everything is dried. Sigh. How sad.
That's why my childhood ambition is being a vet. to save all sick animals. ^^ But I had changed my mind. :l
I think my lower jaw had losen or the joint got 'no oil'. I can't open my jaw very wide or else I will get that 'sour' feeling at the joint. Sheesh. Wonder when is the day it will drop out. I guess I need to see a doctor soon. 2days ago I had my exam, the exam period is 2hrs+ and I didn't open my mouth for that period, and after that, I tried to talk, my jaw hurts. Ahh. It became stiff. Oh man. >< I think it has worsen after all these years. I don't want to go for operation! ><
I don't know what is he thinking. Am I still taken or what? It's making me confused too! >< I don't know what am I doing yesterday either. Ahh. I'm losing my mind soon. Sheesh...
Muah. I met this girl yesterday in IRC who is a jie of Bernard. She said I'm different from those girls who are at my age. Those girls are childish and irritating. Oh really? I'm surprised that I'm different from them. HAH. This proves that I had changed for all these years. I told her I'm anti-them. Haha. She said 'I like this kind of girls and would like to make friends with you' 'Hey don't get the wrong idea. I'm not a lesbi' LOL. She's cute too. >< Yea. ~ (^^;)
Oh man. I think I had dreamt too much and my brain isn't fully awake. Woolala. WKRZ playing Hoobastank - The Reason. It makes me think of Bernard again. Heh.
Yesterday, I was darn guilty! There was this rat at the void deck. As it was at night, nobody is around except me. It was squeaking loudly for help when I walked towards it. I knew it's calling me for help. I wish to help it but I don't know how. I tired to shoo the cat, it walked away for a distance and came back again. I shoo it away once more, the rat quickly escape into the drain. The cat quickly ran into the drain and heard a 'SQQQUUUUEEEEEEK' and bite it away. Oh man. I just want to carry the rat to somewhere safe but I didn't. I was so disappointed with myself because I didn't save its life. Maybe the past life I owe him something and I have to repay him this time but I didn't. I wish I could turn back time. Damn.
My friends say 'Hey it's just a rat.','Oh.. What should I say then?','It's not your fault. If you save the rat, the cat will be hungry. It's part of nature. Don't worry' Yea. I get that message but . . You will never understand how I feels. Oh well. At least I tired to save it. =l
I know it's just a rat but it's a living thing! I just wanna try my best to save it. Because I had ever killed a mother bird who just had a baby bird when I was a kid. I didn't meant it but I'm the murderer. I can see that the baby bird was damn sad when he knew the mom had died. I just leave the mother bird who was unconscious on top of a wall(my old house backyard). The little bird just stay beside the mom. Aww. I'm guilty.
There was once my grandfather caught a grasshopper for me. He said its stomach was eaten by a bird and it can't eat and fly anymore. He passed it to me. I just play with it. It won't eat, drink or anything. It's still living. The only thing it can do it just looking at you in a pathetic look. I want to save it but I don't know how. The only thing I can do is to see it die. After 3 days, without food or water, it finally died. Its eyes are closed. The whole wings and body turn crispy feeling. Everything is dried. Sigh. How sad.
That's why my childhood ambition is being a vet. to save all sick animals. ^^ But I had changed my mind. :l
I think my lower jaw had losen or the joint got 'no oil'. I can't open my jaw very wide or else I will get that 'sour' feeling at the joint. Sheesh. Wonder when is the day it will drop out. I guess I need to see a doctor soon. 2days ago I had my exam, the exam period is 2hrs+ and I didn't open my mouth for that period, and after that, I tried to talk, my jaw hurts. Ahh. It became stiff. Oh man. >< I think it has worsen after all these years. I don't want to go for operation! ><
I don't know what is he thinking. Am I still taken or what? It's making me confused too! >< I don't know what am I doing yesterday either. Ahh. I'm losing my mind soon. Sheesh...
Muah. I met this girl yesterday in IRC who is a jie of Bernard. She said I'm different from those girls who are at my age. Those girls are childish and irritating. Oh really? I'm surprised that I'm different from them. HAH. This proves that I had changed for all these years. I told her I'm anti-them. Haha. She said 'I like this kind of girls and would like to make friends with you' 'Hey don't get the wrong idea. I'm not a lesbi' LOL. She's cute too. >< Yea. ~ (^^;)