** Friday, June 18, 2004 __
Currently Feeling*
tired.
It's gonna be 2am soon. Drank 3/4 bottle of beer. Not finish yet. Slow. But just enjoy the times with it. 3 days been drinking. Seh before sleep. Sobering. Depress. Bored.
I just understand something. I was talking about this in irc with lyn:
[01:47:38] `18days2y: but the same time. i really glad that jl can stand tis kind of forbidden love.
[01:47:56] LeMoNs|cK: haha
[01:48:01] `18days2y: some bf just ditch the geer say she lousy. no freedom.
[01:48:47] `18days2y: so if i can tolerate his attitude. why cant i torlerate his pressure fm my parents. fair and square
[01:48:49] `18days2y: hmm..
[01:49:02] `18days2y: finally understand it. wanna type in blog.
[01:49:05] `18days2y: grown up a little
[01:49:06] `18days2y: LOL
Yea. I think it's fair now. A guy always wants freedom of love, freedom for everything. And he is tolerating this for almost 2years. I don't think there's much good guys out there to wait. Wait for the girl to have her freedom. I don't know how long could this be. But he's there waiting. Eventhough he always show attitude and temper to me, I still think it's fair for us. The pressure that my mom once gave him. Probably it's still in his mind.
This forbidden love, I myself can't tolerate this either. With his tendency and patience, he's still there for me. I've been lying. I don't want to carry on this further. At times i really wanna give up. But we had made it this far. He's the one that i need. He's the one that I love. And he's the one that understands me than anyone else. I have think of this. I would never let you go.
Am i worth waiting and wanting? I don't know. Those words he said to me had made a scar in my heart. It has shattered into fragments. Nothing could heal it except his love to me. It proves that i still love him. Yes i do. I will. And i hope he do feel the same thing as i do. And he will. I given my trust to him. Between Pressure from your parents-in-law and feelings, its the same right. Yea, I give in whenever i can. I give you everything. I will try to. And I think this lies are worthy.
At times, I feel that I always took things for granted. Well, its my nature. But. I hope i wont do the same thing again. I wont let history repeat over and over and over. It sure bored isn't it. Yes. I do anything as long to get my freedom back. I know life is isn't fair. I'm the one who given a unfair treatment than some of them doesn't out there. I understand this. Everything is for my own good. But. I want to prove to them that i can do it. I'm sensible enough. I want to do things for them. I don't want to be a useless girl that what they use to know me as. I don't want to let them see that I'm such a silly girl, knows nothing but stupidity. I can do it. I hope this will happen. Everything will be happier than before. I just wish and hope. Wishing upon the star day by day for my wish to come true. ... All the best to me. I will confess everything to them one day. Just one day...
I hope.
It's gonna be 2am soon. Drank 3/4 bottle of beer. Not finish yet. Slow. But just enjoy the times with it. 3 days been drinking. Seh before sleep. Sobering. Depress. Bored.
I just understand something. I was talking about this in irc with lyn:
[01:47:38] `18days2y: but the same time. i really glad that jl can stand tis kind of forbidden love.
[01:47:56] LeMoNs|cK: haha
[01:48:01] `18days2y: some bf just ditch the geer say she lousy. no freedom.
[01:48:47] `18days2y: so if i can tolerate his attitude. why cant i torlerate his pressure fm my parents. fair and square
[01:48:49] `18days2y: hmm..
[01:49:02] `18days2y: finally understand it. wanna type in blog.
[01:49:05] `18days2y: grown up a little
[01:49:06] `18days2y: LOL
Yea. I think it's fair now. A guy always wants freedom of love, freedom for everything. And he is tolerating this for almost 2years. I don't think there's much good guys out there to wait. Wait for the girl to have her freedom. I don't know how long could this be. But he's there waiting. Eventhough he always show attitude and temper to me, I still think it's fair for us. The pressure that my mom once gave him. Probably it's still in his mind.
This forbidden love, I myself can't tolerate this either. With his tendency and patience, he's still there for me. I've been lying. I don't want to carry on this further. At times i really wanna give up. But we had made it this far. He's the one that i need. He's the one that I love. And he's the one that understands me than anyone else. I have think of this. I would never let you go.
Am i worth waiting and wanting? I don't know. Those words he said to me had made a scar in my heart. It has shattered into fragments. Nothing could heal it except his love to me. It proves that i still love him. Yes i do. I will. And i hope he do feel the same thing as i do. And he will. I given my trust to him. Between Pressure from your parents-in-law and feelings, its the same right. Yea, I give in whenever i can. I give you everything. I will try to. And I think this lies are worthy.
At times, I feel that I always took things for granted. Well, its my nature. But. I hope i wont do the same thing again. I wont let history repeat over and over and over. It sure bored isn't it. Yes. I do anything as long to get my freedom back. I know life is isn't fair. I'm the one who given a unfair treatment than some of them doesn't out there. I understand this. Everything is for my own good. But. I want to prove to them that i can do it. I'm sensible enough. I want to do things for them. I don't want to be a useless girl that what they use to know me as. I don't want to let them see that I'm such a silly girl, knows nothing but stupidity. I can do it. I hope this will happen. Everything will be happier than before. I just wish and hope. Wishing upon the star day by day for my wish to come true. ... All the best to me. I will confess everything to them one day. Just one day...
I hope.