** Tuesday, February 10, 2004 __
Currently Feeling*
Currently Feeling* bored
another day stayed a home. i skipped my class cuz of my allergy medicine made me drowzy whole morning. *uhhh. i went to find my money from my mom's closet. and guess what? $150 only?! where's is my the other half? i called mum and realised she took it. *sighs. i need to use them for dd vday present. tomorrow is wednesday. o yea. there's gonna be social studies common test and physic test. *grrr. hate it. ever alternate weeks have 2 days of common test. *sighs. feeling sick all these weeks. i been absent 5 days in school for this 1month and 2weeks of classes. my attendence sure goes. BLACK. oh well. don't really have any study mood yet. i wonder what dd doing. he didn't reply my message since morning. i read god sista's blog. i was shocked! 3 extra tickets to the MTV asia awards. i told betty about it and she seemed so excited. it took me a long time to contact my sista and she said there's a buyer gonna buy 3 of em' at 400 bucks. i told betty bout this but she said it's way too expensive. rather watch it at home. umm. but. but. oh well. maybe try our luck next year. cuz i dont have enough cash to buy them. have to spend a hundred for my dd. and left pathetic small amount of cash as a saving. sis and mom been using my money since i was a kid. i remember sis kept taking out 200/300 bucks fornightly to buy her branded goods and told me she gotta return me. but till now. its been. almost 10 years? not a single cent from her! same goes to my mom. few years back i realised my ATM was so pathetic. left $10+? mom had taken more than $600 from it for her visa. and few years before she took it, she withdraw another $300+ from it. oh my. i was fukin pathetic broke just because of them. and they laugh at me when i didn't get a job. when i have 1 last year, working for ivy's mother, they seemed shock and laugh at me that i have my first job. what the fuck is this? everything is my first time and they gonna laugh at me. don't they have their first time too? don't get what they are thinking. *sighs. and now. dad scolded me that i didn't take my own food myself and grandma hafta take for me. but. but. IM NOT HUNGRY. I DON'T WANT IT. ITS HER WHO TOOK IT FOR ME. BUT I DID WENT TO THE KITCHEN AND TAKE IT RIGHT. MUST YOU ALL TREAT ME LIKE A CHILD? I DON'T UNDERSTAND. EVERYTIME SCOLD ME FOR BEING SO USELESS. ASK ME TO STAY OUT OF THEIR BUSINESS AS IF IM NOT PART OF THEM FAMILY. I KNOW HOW TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF. MUST YOU ALL KEPT BOTHERING ME? I NEED PEACE. I DON'T WANT ANYONE TO INTEFERE MY LIFE. I DON'T NEED ALL YOUR KINDNESS AND CARE FOR ME LIKE A BABY. YOU ALL THINK I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT? YOU'RE WRONG. DAD LAST TIME LAUGH AT ME FOR NOT BUYING MY OWN STUFF OUTSIDE. WELL. IM JUST LAZY. CAN'T I? HE SAID MAYBE I DON'T EVEN BUY AT MAC DONALDS. ONLY MY SCHOOL CANTEEN. WHAT THE FUCKING WRONG WITH YOU ALL? GRANDMA WAS SCOLDING ME THAT TIME THAT I DROP A CONTAINER OF GARLIC MAKING A MESS. SAYING MY TEACHER AND MOTHER DIDN'T TEACH ME. BEING SO STUPID AND USELESS IN THE FAMILY. AM I GIVING A BURDEN TO YOU ALL? IF IN THIS CASE, I LEAVE! PEOPLE CAN'T MAKE MISTAKE RIGHT? SAYING THAT I DON'T KNOW THIS, DON'T KNOW THAT. YOU THINK IM A SMART ALEX? I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE. LIKE AS IF EVERYTHING IS NOT MINE, U ALL TAKE IT. TAKE EVERYTHING YOU WANT. STOP WASTING YOUR FUCKING TIME ON ME. YOU DON'T NEED THIS CHILD IN THE FAMILY. EVEN I HAVE A BOYFRIEND. MOM DOESN'T WANT ME TO HAVE. SHE SAID I DON'T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING AND BEING SO CHILDISH. BUT. I KNOW IM CHILDISH. BUT IT SEEMED THAT IM NOT OUTSIDE. YOU ALL DIDNT SEE ONLY. DONT ANYHOW SAY IT. THEY DON'T TRUST ME AT ALL. ALL THE TIME I WAS LYING CAUSE OF YOU ALL. YOU DON'T GIVE ME ANYTHING. NOT EVEN LOVE? I DON'T SEEMED TO FEEL IT AT ALL. WHAT RULES YOU HAVE. MY SIS CAN WHY CAN'T I? THIS IS NOT FAIR. THIS IS TOTALLY RUBBISH. IM 16 NOW. CAN'T YOU SEE? IM NOT A KID ANYMORE! . O WELL. FUCK. THIS IS CRAZY. I DON'T KNOW WHAT AM I TYPING ANYWAY.
*zzzz. log off now. nth to say anymore. totally moodless.
*love is blind. you love without a reason-
another day stayed a home. i skipped my class cuz of my allergy medicine made me drowzy whole morning. *uhhh. i went to find my money from my mom's closet. and guess what? $150 only?! where's is my the other half? i called mum and realised she took it. *sighs. i need to use them for dd vday present. tomorrow is wednesday. o yea. there's gonna be social studies common test and physic test. *grrr. hate it. ever alternate weeks have 2 days of common test. *sighs. feeling sick all these weeks. i been absent 5 days in school for this 1month and 2weeks of classes. my attendence sure goes. BLACK. oh well. don't really have any study mood yet. i wonder what dd doing. he didn't reply my message since morning. i read god sista's blog. i was shocked! 3 extra tickets to the MTV asia awards. i told betty about it and she seemed so excited. it took me a long time to contact my sista and she said there's a buyer gonna buy 3 of em' at 400 bucks. i told betty bout this but she said it's way too expensive. rather watch it at home. umm. but. but. oh well. maybe try our luck next year. cuz i dont have enough cash to buy them. have to spend a hundred for my dd. and left pathetic small amount of cash as a saving. sis and mom been using my money since i was a kid. i remember sis kept taking out 200/300 bucks fornightly to buy her branded goods and told me she gotta return me. but till now. its been. almost 10 years? not a single cent from her! same goes to my mom. few years back i realised my ATM was so pathetic. left $10+? mom had taken more than $600 from it for her visa. and few years before she took it, she withdraw another $300+ from it. oh my. i was fukin pathetic broke just because of them. and they laugh at me when i didn't get a job. when i have 1 last year, working for ivy's mother, they seemed shock and laugh at me that i have my first job. what the fuck is this? everything is my first time and they gonna laugh at me. don't they have their first time too? don't get what they are thinking. *sighs. and now. dad scolded me that i didn't take my own food myself and grandma hafta take for me. but. but. IM NOT HUNGRY. I DON'T WANT IT. ITS HER WHO TOOK IT FOR ME. BUT I DID WENT TO THE KITCHEN AND TAKE IT RIGHT. MUST YOU ALL TREAT ME LIKE A CHILD? I DON'T UNDERSTAND. EVERYTIME SCOLD ME FOR BEING SO USELESS. ASK ME TO STAY OUT OF THEIR BUSINESS AS IF IM NOT PART OF THEM FAMILY. I KNOW HOW TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF. MUST YOU ALL KEPT BOTHERING ME? I NEED PEACE. I DON'T WANT ANYONE TO INTEFERE MY LIFE. I DON'T NEED ALL YOUR KINDNESS AND CARE FOR ME LIKE A BABY. YOU ALL THINK I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT? YOU'RE WRONG. DAD LAST TIME LAUGH AT ME FOR NOT BUYING MY OWN STUFF OUTSIDE. WELL. IM JUST LAZY. CAN'T I? HE SAID MAYBE I DON'T EVEN BUY AT MAC DONALDS. ONLY MY SCHOOL CANTEEN. WHAT THE FUCKING WRONG WITH YOU ALL? GRANDMA WAS SCOLDING ME THAT TIME THAT I DROP A CONTAINER OF GARLIC MAKING A MESS. SAYING MY TEACHER AND MOTHER DIDN'T TEACH ME. BEING SO STUPID AND USELESS IN THE FAMILY. AM I GIVING A BURDEN TO YOU ALL? IF IN THIS CASE, I LEAVE! PEOPLE CAN'T MAKE MISTAKE RIGHT? SAYING THAT I DON'T KNOW THIS, DON'T KNOW THAT. YOU THINK IM A SMART ALEX? I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE. LIKE AS IF EVERYTHING IS NOT MINE, U ALL TAKE IT. TAKE EVERYTHING YOU WANT. STOP WASTING YOUR FUCKING TIME ON ME. YOU DON'T NEED THIS CHILD IN THE FAMILY. EVEN I HAVE A BOYFRIEND. MOM DOESN'T WANT ME TO HAVE. SHE SAID I DON'T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING AND BEING SO CHILDISH. BUT. I KNOW IM CHILDISH. BUT IT SEEMED THAT IM NOT OUTSIDE. YOU ALL DIDNT SEE ONLY. DONT ANYHOW SAY IT. THEY DON'T TRUST ME AT ALL. ALL THE TIME I WAS LYING CAUSE OF YOU ALL. YOU DON'T GIVE ME ANYTHING. NOT EVEN LOVE? I DON'T SEEMED TO FEEL IT AT ALL. WHAT RULES YOU HAVE. MY SIS CAN WHY CAN'T I? THIS IS NOT FAIR. THIS IS TOTALLY RUBBISH. IM 16 NOW. CAN'T YOU SEE? IM NOT A KID ANYMORE! . O WELL. FUCK. THIS IS CRAZY. I DON'T KNOW WHAT AM I TYPING ANYWAY.
*zzzz. log off now. nth to say anymore. totally moodless.
*love is blind. you love without a reason-